yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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