please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
