Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
