i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
