i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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