she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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