Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize