Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
