like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
