i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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