I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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