I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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