U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
