I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
