arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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