my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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