Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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