I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
