I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize