Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
