So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
