I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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