look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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