so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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