just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
