I bet he comes in French.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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