I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
