I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
