The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
