I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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