oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
