I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
