they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
