I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
