Already got asked if we're dating
I wish I only lived at night.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
