I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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