I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
