I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
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