she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
