hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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