hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
