it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
