and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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