I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
