new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
