Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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