What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
