He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I need a beard to bite.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
