im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
