we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
