You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I pour the whiskey from now on
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize