dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize