let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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