Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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