i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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