her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
there is glitter all over my balls
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
