Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
