3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
