I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize