It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
