guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
