Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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