It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
