he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
