At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize