I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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