i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
