just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
