Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
