I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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