between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
