Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
