Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do vagina's smell?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Why can't burritos get me drunk
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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