I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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