Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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