i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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