how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
